Sometimes when you think that everything in your life is worth waiting, i guess that’s true…but waiting i guess won’t work anymore..coz when you wait, the world around you seems to stop revolving..and when it stops revolving, you seem to be not making any sense of what you should do in life…i guess it’s time to take control, it’s time to make some actions…coz when you know that no one is doing anything, then it’s up to you to take control!!!
April 22nd 2006….It’s a date that maybe people in Jakarta would be reminded by the awesome and gigantic blast of the world’s number one DJ for three consecutive years!! and it’s a date that for some people was a milestone in their searchin for truth. But for me it was something else….it was sort of like a revelation, I have been liberated by the feelings that has kept me trapped. It was a feeling that could never be explain just by simple words. Let me put it this way, pretending was never a good thing, and by pretending you ought to think that the truth is just unbearable. But yet, I have found the truth. I have found a new goal, i have found a new prespective, and I have found a new horizon. A special someone needs to be thanked for. Because if not because of that person, I wouldnt have known what is like to love your self, to be happy, and to smile…
Never in my life I seen something like this, never in my life I feel something like this…and never in my life this has ever happened to me, but then it all happened…It all starts like this…
We sometimes try to find out what makes us happy…well maybe tonite I found out what I should be looking for. I should be looking for someone who makes me feel special. Because special is grand, special is acknowledging yourself, special is knowing that it’s okay to have guilty pleasures, listening to pop music and cry when we feel sad. Special is…SPECIAL!! You could love someone with all your heart and give all that you could…but can you really make somebody feel special? Not because you wanna make them happy, but becaus the are SPECIAL!!
And here it is!! I found another phase today…another phase of aftermaths of breaking up, it’s the phase where everything’s twisted and twisting you around and you can never trust your own feelings..you can never tell what’s right and what’s wrong, and what you felt wrong could turn out to be just right! Your feelings’s playing games, mind tricks on you…makes you wonder can you ever again see the truth in life…or should I say in Love?!..Are those feelings I felt was love? My heart’s aching…It hurts…Could this pain be love?
Overall…It comes back to the sound we hear when we know that love do exists…yoyu know that it connects..it’s the sound that signify our feelings and it goes something like…CLICK!!
It’s been a while since I entered this silence window of solitude…and yes my friend we meet again and with stories to tell, bad, nice, happy, and amazing tales to tell. Well, I guess I’ll start off with a little unhappiness. A very valuable lesson that all you lads should be learning…Here it goes..
One of the most staggering moments in life is when you have to deal with the aftermath of a broken relationship. And yet then you learn about steps in life..Steps that we often say PHASES.
PHASES. Everything’s about phases. It’s another phase we go thru. Let’s skip phase 1 to 3. It’s Phase four! the worst phase in a relationship. It;s a phase where all you do is worrying, wondering what are they doing, who they are with, are they hurting themselves?? These are just a few out of thousands of questions that we ask ourselves after a broken relationship.
We tend to forget that we need to move on, we need to be strong, and we forget that we need to be happy…because that’s what we really need..happiness that we feel, happiness that comforts us, happiness that keeps us alive…without them we are just living corpse searcihng for life…
Have I found happiness? Yes I have…but it’s all a blurry dawn that leaves us hangin to rot and leaves us wondering how pathetic we all have been…
But when you read this, you ask yourself this question…are you ready to let go of something for that happiness?? Or maybe everything is juat another phase for us to gain that happiness…
The last few days I went out to do a little bit of soul searchin’ just to signify what was goin on inside this so called brain! Don’t know what to do really, don’t know what to think, and once I’ve got the answer it just really suck up and finding another problem which was: "what to do?!"
Turning point of my career, is it because of the devastating dedication? Or is it just a matter of pride? Sometimes I just can’t figure out?? Maybe it’s true that when you’re down and f**ked up, you’re LOST! But then I realized that it was my own doing, can’t turn back time really, but then again, there’s always time, isn’it?
After a few times thinking, then you’re up to that final question, "what to do?" I guess I finally knew, but do I have the strength to pull it trough?
I have to
I must!
" Coz we’re ordinary people, we don’t know which way to go.." Penggalan lagu John Legend itu bener2 bikin gue ngerasa bahwa kadang kita suka ngerasa superior di saat kita udah pada suatu keadaan tertentu, we tend to forget that we too can bleed, we to know that we are fragile…Saking rapuhnya kita suka ngga tau kapan kita ngerasa bahwa kita dalam suatu keadaan tertekan. Stressfulness really can haunt you in diguise…Sometimes I think of running away, but I know I can’t…Cliche as it may sound but, running away was never my agenda in any case. But we would be stupid if we dont know the right time to run…
I’m practically bleeding and sometimes I just feel that I don’t know what do I have to do next….desicions that I have to make, goals that I need to achieve….It’s harder day by day….
It’s time to grab life by the hand….
When you realize that things need to be manage, you will surprisingly feel strangely miserable…why? coz maybe u never been there before. Like money for instance, no one said that money would be easily manage. Today im having cash problems that made me feel absolutely miserable…crisis, crisis…everything is crisis!!! DAMN!!!….all this stress makes me feel like i wanna go clubbing..join me anyone?
Today , secara ngga langsung gue bener2 ngerasa kalo yang namanya Reality bener2 kerasa. Time punctuation, responsibility….bener2 kerasa…it’s hard growing up you know, it’s not easy.
Ada yang bilang kalo yang namanya dewasa itu adalah pilihan, padahal kalo dipkir - pikir dewasa itu sebenernya kewajiban elo, no matter what you are obligated to grow, seperti kewajiban layaknya, susah ya ngelaksanain kewajiban itu…or maybe we’re just scared to face the reality that we will be on our own someday…
Hey, just got myself signing up this blog…kinda weird writing on the net, but who cares…so..lets start the adventure shall we?
It’s after my birthday which i think is kinda strange knowing every year you are getting older, not that i’ complaining, but, yeah…heck..im just gonna enjoy the time..have fun!!!
